It's been four months.
Four incredible, sleep deprived, love filled, exhausting months. Being a new mom is definitely the most challenging and even more rewarding gig I’ve ever had. All the cliché’s are just so true. I can’t believe that in such a short time this girl has stolen her dad’s and my hearts so completely. It’s amazing all the change that one little being can bring.
With all this change and newness there is the realisation I’ve taken on a role that I’ve never trained or studied for and am now expected to do 24/7. Mixed in with all the moments of total beauty and bliss, there are these other moments of all consuming fear and doubt. What if something happened to her? Is this the right thing to do? Can I do this thing at all? The insurmountable responsibility is at times, more than I can comprehend: having this kind of influence over a human being’s life.
During these times, breath is an ever-trusty companion. Sometimes it simply escapes my lungs, so finding balance between output and input to maintain sanity can feel elusive. But, in the end, it finds me. The breath, the space, the calm. On days when I meditate I am infinitely more aware of what needs to happen next. I can be in a flurry of panic, stop for ten minutes to be still and then, ahhh.... I can breathe. This “taking time” I’ve found is actually “making time” where there is none. It gives my brain and heart the space it needs to make more intuitive decisions based on my highest good rather than the voice of my ego. In turn, my decision making process is quicker, more succinct, and more effective. This is an incredible gift, particularly as a new mother who is more often than not multi-tasking to “get shit done.”
As a yoga and meditation teacher it would seem that I would have all this under control. But see, that’s not how human beings work. We are all flawed, have weaknesses, and need support. At the end of the day though, it comes down to choice. Will I take the ten minutes to be a better mom, wife, friend, and daughter? Or will I let it all consume me and take me down in flames. Some days the former, some the latter. But, every day, I have a choice. Every day, we can choose to begin again, and to make space where there is none.