Welcome to Motherhood.

It's been four months.

Four incredible, sleep deprived, love filled, exhausting months. Being a new mom is definitely the most challenging and even more rewarding gig I’ve ever had. All the cliché’s are just so true. I can’t believe that in such a short time this girl has stolen her dad’s and my hearts so completely. It’s amazing all the change that one little being can bring.

With all this change and newness there is the realisation I’ve taken on a role that I’ve never trained or studied for and am now expected to do 24/7. Mixed in with all the moments of total beauty and bliss, there are these other moments of all consuming fear and doubt. What if something happened to her? Is this the right thing to do? Can I do this thing at all? The insurmountable responsibility is at times, more than I can comprehend: having this kind of influence over a human being’s life.

During these times, breath is an ever-trusty companion. Sometimes it simply escapes my lungs, so finding balance between output and input to maintain sanity can feel elusive. But, in the end, it finds me. The breath, the space, the calm. On days when I meditate I am infinitely more aware of what needs to happen next. I can be in a flurry of panic, stop for ten minutes to be still and then, ahhh.... I can breathe. This “taking time” I’ve found is actually “making time” where there is none. It gives my brain and heart the space it needs to make more intuitive decisions based on my highest good rather than the voice of my ego. In turn, my decision making process is quicker, more succinct, and more effective. This is an incredible gift, particularly as a new mother who is more often than not multi-tasking to “get shit done.”

 As a yoga and meditation teacher it would seem that I would have all this under control. But see, that’s not how human beings work. We are all flawed, have weaknesses, and need support. At the end of the day though, it comes down to choice. Will I take the ten minutes to be a better mom, wife, friend, and daughter? Or will I let it all consume me and take me down in flames. Some days the former, some the latter. But, every day, I have a choice. Every day, we can choose to begin again, and to make space where there is none.

Wow 2016. Just, wow.

Not sure about you, but the past year has brought on some very refining experiences for many. Personally, it's been one of the most challenging but even more rewarding years of my entire life. Putting this emotion into words is proving to be difficult, but I’m going to give it a go.

My last post was back in April when I announced that I was pregnant with my first child. Since then, I’ve gone through the rigors of new mom bootcamp called pregnancy and labor that have significantly changed me from the inside out. I have pushed through the mental, physical, and emotional obstacles that I never new existed and never dreamed I could achieve. But, I did. By breathing through each moment, not always calmly, not always present, but always in it, I grew stronger. I learned that I have more fight and beauty within me than I could have ever imagined. I’m getting teary writing this because I think of all the years I wasted thinking I wasn’t good enough, strong enough, brave enough. But 2016 has shown me that I am. I thought I knew that before through my years of self-study, healing, meditation, and yoga, but now, I’ve been taken to a new level of knowing. To my little angel who has made me a better human all around, I am forever grateful. I have officially learned the art of patience and surrender, though I’m sure I’ll need to learn this lesson again in the future.

Everyone tells you that becoming a parent is the most amazing thing you can experience. It’s the best ‘job’ in the world, and that you never fully understand it until it happens. They are right. Every parenting cliché’ I’ve ever heard is a cliché’ for a reason – it’s true. Looking ahead to the year to come, I feel hopeful. There are many who feel 2016 was ‘horrible’ and can’t wait for it to be over. For me, it was hard. It was gritty. It was raw. And, it was magic.

-->

Here’s to another magical year, no matter the lessons ahead of us and the challenges to be presented. They are there to cause us to grow and change into a shinier, more beautiful version of ourselves. We can choose to take on the challenge or not. But I urge you, open yourself up to the beauty that comes from being broken. You won’t regret it.

The Secret Diary of a Pregnant Yogi

As some of you know, I have recently discovered that as of January I am expecting a new little human to enter my life! It's very exciting news and we are thrilled and grateful. At first this news is very joyful and exciting but also quite overwhelming. Having not been aware of really what to expect, the last few months have been quite a shock to the system. The first three months of creating a human have proven to be some of the most challenging months of my life. How did I get through it? My ever trusty yoga and meditation, of course!

After first learning of our bun in the oven, we were overjoyed! But, after all the bubbly feel goods faded, I was left with constant nausea, extreme chronic fatique, bloating, and a plethora of other not so pleasasnt symptoms (which I won't go into for your sake). What typically consisted of mostly veggies, my diet was shifting into the abyss of cravings for sugar and fatty foods. Every time I saw a Mcdonald's commercial or someone eating cake, I was overcome with desire for that particular food. What was happening to this energetic and happy yogi? After many moments of anxiety and wondering when it would all be over, I realised very quickly that this is exactly why people don't tell you they are pregnant until after the first trimester is over! No one wants to hear about how miserable you are feeling, and you really don't want to talk about it.

The main reason I want to express the hardship I experienced is becasue I had NO idea it could be as hard as it was. I was totally unprepared mentally for the days ahead, and I hope that I can be that voice for someone else. The bottom line is that it's ALL going to be okay! Even though I found that hard to believe at the time. Meditation and yoga were my daily morning companions. The beauty of it was that no matter how awful I was feeling, I always felt like I was able to come home into my body through my practice. Although this little alien had invaded it, my mind and body could still find connection, stillness, and peace within the discomfort.

Toward the end of a straight 7 week period of this, with many deep breaths, practice, and family support, I was finally able to come to a place of acceptance. Gradually, the symptoms began to ease and today I am feeling more energetic than I have in over 12 weeks! So, it does get better... There is a light at the end of the tunnel of knitting a human in those early months. There are tools to be used that will give you a reprieve from the challenge.

And, this applies to everyone, not just expectant mothers. No matter the issue, conflict, or challenge, you can find rest within your breath. You can come home and find peace at any time, or learn to lean in and breathe.

When a ‘pity party’ feels like the only way.

As someone that has personally suffered for decades with anxiety and depression, I at one time was very familiar with the concept of throwing myself a ‘pity party.’ During my college years it was a regular occurrence that was one of my main coping mechanisms. It seemed to be one of the only things to bring me solace in this new world of independence I felt ill-equipped to handle.

After many years of yoga, meditation, and professional therapy, my parties have nearly come to an end. On the occasional day of hormonal craze or when Im feeling completely depleted, they will sometimes start up again. But, now they are significantly less loud, frequent, and lingering. After a rush of sorrow and ‘woe is me’ I realise what an incredible waste of time it is and decide that I am way to busy for it! I have a life to live. I have people to love. And now, I have the healthy coping mechanisms to make powerful changes in my own life, relationships, and the challenges I face.

Often times, we recognize in others the things that we dislike most about ourselves. I can honestly say that I can spot a pity party a mile away. Why? Because I've been there. The good thing about being somewhere you don’t want to be and having the ability to get out of it, is that you have an invaluable road map to share this ability with others who are struggling.

Don't be a silent sufferer. There are plenty of resources if you or someone you know is suffering. And remember that you are not a stigma. You are a human working through human issues and many times, humans needs each other.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/

https://www.lifeline.org.au/

http://wearyourlabel.com/

Are you a New Year Resolutioner?

Every year, thousands of resolutions are made in the name of the New Year and just as many are broken in the same breath.  What is it about starting a new calendar year that sends us into a frenzy of things we want and ‘need’ to change in our lives? Why does it often times seem to fail us? How do we make the changes we want to see?

Personally, I don’t really like the term ‘resolution.’ It doesn’t hold much power for me. At its’ core, a resolution is really just a decision made in the conscious mind and doesn’t give me the courage or empowerment to take some kind of action. The sub-conscious patterns and beliefs are still so much stronger and take me down every time. It also comes from a place of willpower rather than deep, internal shifts that have been made.

In yoga, the tools we use such as meditation (focused contemplation), asana (physical postures), and pranayama (breath) are there for us to support a significant and long-lasting change from the inside out. When we consistently practice using these tools, our negative thought patterns and undesirable habits start to drop away. It may not be in the timing you’d like it to be, but gradually you begin to transform for the good.

My practice for every New Year is to set intentions and goals. These terms allow for much more flexibility and support through my yoga journey. Yoga doesn’t just give us physical flexibility and strength, but more importantly, mental and emotional balance, stability, and healing. The physical aspects are a lovely little bi-product, but remember the real science and effects of your yoga practice are to move you forward in love and freedom from the things that hold you back in life!

Go ahead and drink the kool-aid!

Yoga is something that has been around for centuries, I’m talking thousands of years. So why in the last few decades, particularly this last one, has it gained so much momentum in many westernized countries?

My thought is because of the potential for community yoga has to offer us among many other positive aspects of the ancient practice. Over the last ten years or so, the lifestyles and therefore consciousness, or ways of thinking, in these parts of the world (mainly the United States) has been shifting significantly. From the Great Recession, to the housing crisis, to the first African American President, we have been changed and are changing still. Our values, priorities, and thinking patterns are being moved and shaken.

The yoga community aims to offer a place of acceptance of all religions, races, and lifestyles. It is a place where anyone can come, breath and connect to their body, mind, and other people. I know that not all yoga communities are this lovely, but the essence and heart of yoga is. This is what we strive for. It’s such an incredible experience to go to a yoga studio you’ve never been to or a festival like ‘Wanderlust’ and meet the most incredible, inspiring people and make them your new friends. 

Yoga is not bound by politics, belief systems, or separatism. The ideal is to create a community of like-minded humans that share their lives and build each other up to be better and positively impact our world. I know we're not perfect, but that's the beauty of yoga; perfection isn't a requirement. Our aim is to embrace and love our struggles and challenges because they are an incredible opportunity to transform and grow. 

I don’t know about you, but that's a community I definitely want to be a part of!

Wanderlust, Squaw Valley 2015