Welcome to Motherhood.

It's been four months.

Four incredible, sleep deprived, love filled, exhausting months. Being a new mom is definitely the most challenging and even more rewarding gig I’ve ever had. All the cliché’s are just so true. I can’t believe that in such a short time this girl has stolen her dad’s and my hearts so completely. It’s amazing all the change that one little being can bring.

With all this change and newness there is the realisation I’ve taken on a role that I’ve never trained or studied for and am now expected to do 24/7. Mixed in with all the moments of total beauty and bliss, there are these other moments of all consuming fear and doubt. What if something happened to her? Is this the right thing to do? Can I do this thing at all? The insurmountable responsibility is at times, more than I can comprehend: having this kind of influence over a human being’s life.

During these times, breath is an ever-trusty companion. Sometimes it simply escapes my lungs, so finding balance between output and input to maintain sanity can feel elusive. But, in the end, it finds me. The breath, the space, the calm. On days when I meditate I am infinitely more aware of what needs to happen next. I can be in a flurry of panic, stop for ten minutes to be still and then, ahhh.... I can breathe. This “taking time” I’ve found is actually “making time” where there is none. It gives my brain and heart the space it needs to make more intuitive decisions based on my highest good rather than the voice of my ego. In turn, my decision making process is quicker, more succinct, and more effective. This is an incredible gift, particularly as a new mother who is more often than not multi-tasking to “get shit done.”

 As a yoga and meditation teacher it would seem that I would have all this under control. But see, that’s not how human beings work. We are all flawed, have weaknesses, and need support. At the end of the day though, it comes down to choice. Will I take the ten minutes to be a better mom, wife, friend, and daughter? Or will I let it all consume me and take me down in flames. Some days the former, some the latter. But, every day, I have a choice. Every day, we can choose to begin again, and to make space where there is none.

Wow 2016. Just, wow.

Not sure about you, but the past year has brought on some very refining experiences for many. Personally, it's been one of the most challenging but even more rewarding years of my entire life. Putting this emotion into words is proving to be difficult, but I’m going to give it a go.

My last post was back in April when I announced that I was pregnant with my first child. Since then, I’ve gone through the rigors of new mom bootcamp called pregnancy and labor that have significantly changed me from the inside out. I have pushed through the mental, physical, and emotional obstacles that I never new existed and never dreamed I could achieve. But, I did. By breathing through each moment, not always calmly, not always present, but always in it, I grew stronger. I learned that I have more fight and beauty within me than I could have ever imagined. I’m getting teary writing this because I think of all the years I wasted thinking I wasn’t good enough, strong enough, brave enough. But 2016 has shown me that I am. I thought I knew that before through my years of self-study, healing, meditation, and yoga, but now, I’ve been taken to a new level of knowing. To my little angel who has made me a better human all around, I am forever grateful. I have officially learned the art of patience and surrender, though I’m sure I’ll need to learn this lesson again in the future.

Everyone tells you that becoming a parent is the most amazing thing you can experience. It’s the best ‘job’ in the world, and that you never fully understand it until it happens. They are right. Every parenting cliché’ I’ve ever heard is a cliché’ for a reason – it’s true. Looking ahead to the year to come, I feel hopeful. There are many who feel 2016 was ‘horrible’ and can’t wait for it to be over. For me, it was hard. It was gritty. It was raw. And, it was magic.

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Here’s to another magical year, no matter the lessons ahead of us and the challenges to be presented. They are there to cause us to grow and change into a shinier, more beautiful version of ourselves. We can choose to take on the challenge or not. But I urge you, open yourself up to the beauty that comes from being broken. You won’t regret it.

Go ahead and drink the kool-aid!

Yoga is something that has been around for centuries, I’m talking thousands of years. So why in the last few decades, particularly this last one, has it gained so much momentum in many westernized countries?

My thought is because of the potential for community yoga has to offer us among many other positive aspects of the ancient practice. Over the last ten years or so, the lifestyles and therefore consciousness, or ways of thinking, in these parts of the world (mainly the United States) has been shifting significantly. From the Great Recession, to the housing crisis, to the first African American President, we have been changed and are changing still. Our values, priorities, and thinking patterns are being moved and shaken.

The yoga community aims to offer a place of acceptance of all religions, races, and lifestyles. It is a place where anyone can come, breath and connect to their body, mind, and other people. I know that not all yoga communities are this lovely, but the essence and heart of yoga is. This is what we strive for. It’s such an incredible experience to go to a yoga studio you’ve never been to or a festival like ‘Wanderlust’ and meet the most incredible, inspiring people and make them your new friends. 

Yoga is not bound by politics, belief systems, or separatism. The ideal is to create a community of like-minded humans that share their lives and build each other up to be better and positively impact our world. I know we're not perfect, but that's the beauty of yoga; perfection isn't a requirement. Our aim is to embrace and love our struggles and challenges because they are an incredible opportunity to transform and grow. 

I don’t know about you, but that's a community I definitely want to be a part of!

Wanderlust, Squaw Valley 2015